The Prince, Machiavelli

And it is worth noting that nothing is harder to manage, more risky in the undertaking, or more doubtful of success than to set up as the introducer of a new order. Such an innovator has as enemies all the people who were doing well under the old order, and only halfhearted defenders in those who hope to benefit from the new. This [reluctance] derives partly from fear of opponents who have [precedence] on their side, and partly from human skepticism, since men don’t really believe in anything new till they have had solid experience of it. This is why, whenever the enemies of a new state have occasion to attack it, they do so furiously, while its friends come only languidly to its defense, so that the whole venture is likely to collapse.^†

— Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince, VI, 1513.

^†Machiavelli, Niccolò. The Prince: a new translation, backgrounds, interpretations. (A Norton critical edition) Translated and Edited by Robert M. Adams. New York: Norton, 1977.

Iranian American Bestiality

Do Americans marry animals? I became aware of this hotly debated topic from watching Glenn Beck’s conservative talk program on Headline Prime. This cable television host aired a video from Iran where a speaker engaging a crowd claims that Americans marry animals. Evidence, asserts the speaker, is available on the internet. The skeptical Glenn argued that the very idea was nuts, adding one more fragment of evidence to advance his crusade that the Iranians are crazy.

Allow me to expose two technical flaws in Glenn’s argument, the first being that Glenn worked from an English translation. The original was in either Arabic or Farsi, the Persian language. Glenn’s second, and fatal mistake, was taking the English translation literally. Taken figuratively the allusion “Americans ‘marry’ animals” assumes its intended meaning; as in the sense: men “marry” sheep, or women “marry” donkeys. The term ‘marry’ understood in this vein is clearly euphemistic. Although I have no inclination to pursue the trail of evidence posted on the internet, I’m willing to accept the assertion as plausible without objection, which raises the question in my mind: Why were the Iranians surfing the internet for American smut in the first place?

I submit that in all probability the per capita instance of casual sex between men and sheep in Iran far exceeds that in America. My deduction is purely based upon statistical variations in areas of means, motive, and opportunity. I’m guessing the per capita number of shepherds in Iran exceeds that in America by a whopping margin. The Iranian speaker should have picked on Australia or New Zealand to make his accusation withstand incredulity. The only lamb loins most American urbanites ever encounter are in butchers’ sections of grocery stores.

Conversely I will concede that America probably surpasses Iran in per capita instances of consensual sex between women and donkeys, simply because there’s money to be made in America for this sort of entertainment, whereas Islamic laws against women’s activities, in all honesty, are brutal. Granting all that, I’d still wager the actual incidence of these carnal affairs is marginal in both cultures. Both sides of this divisive topic are using the exception-proves-the-rule argument, which is invalid. Yet in general, people are gullible enough to choose sides without any afterthought.

Also there’s no sense in alluding to something that your audience can’t comprehend either. Glenn entirely missed the point, but presumably the speaker knew that his audience in Iran could catch his pitch. You see, if I say, “Brittany cactified Glenn,” then you would have no clue what I was referring to. The context is missing. If I supply the missing context, then the meaning becomes clear. Brittany is my daughter and as a child she made up the word cactify. The verb, to cactify, refers to giving your enemies time out, or immobilizing them, which she did, only when necessary, to misbehaving action figures and toy animals. Curiously, the etymology of the word delves deeper. The Latin root of the word cactus means bad, and the ending of cactify is similar to petrify. Cactify makes perfectly good sense, after its use in proper context is understood.

This raises another question; did Glenn present a valid argument that the Iranians are crazy? The answer is no. Glenn you’re cactified. The major difference between Iranians and Americans is internet posting privileges. Maybe the point the speaker intended to make was one of internet censorship? In that case, Glenn seems to be the sort of fellow who would welcome such a proposition, not oppose it. I’m inclined to believe that Glenn laments the degradation of American moral values, the exact point the Iranian speaker was trying to make about us, “The Great Satan.” Why do we permit such blatant depravity anyway?

The problem is freedom of speech, what in their wildest dreams were our founding fathers thinking: Americans ‘marrying’ animals; the very idea? Although it’s true that many founding fathers were slave owners, and slaves were considered animals up through the Civil War. In fact slaves were property, and most Americans from that era were farmers too. Who knows? Sodomy and bestiality were primitive forms of contraception. Maybe our founding fathers would have favored the idea of Americans ‘marrying’ animals, in the figurative sense of course. We know that Washington and Jefferson were both dyed in the wool practitioners and indulgers in slavery. But in the modern context we know better. Slaves aren’t animals. So there goes that argument or does it? Who decides these things; outsiders or insiders? Internal conviction sans benefit of external verification is the womb of dangerous beliefs.

Reason without rhetoric is dull and boring, but madness without method is delusion. Reason erected upon decrepit foundations is faulty. Rhetoric void of reason is folly. When rhetoric reinforces a point of view that’s already held it becomes effective. Politicians and commentators are married to unreasonable rhetoric as a means to fame and power, as a device for achieving self-serving ends; for herding gullible followers, lacking critical thinking skills, like sheep. In this sense, the Iranian political elite are just like their American counterparts; so I ask you now, “Who’s ‘marrying’ whom?”

Grand Ontological Design

A comparative analysis of paradigms, from ancient through modern sources, reveals a unified, ubiquitous pattern underlying reality. At the core of existence, one elemental set of building blocks appears pervasive, and research indicates that many generations have interpreted and transcribed this primordial structure into transformative, progressive, cultural contexts.

A paradigm, in its own terms, explains or describes aspects of common experience from a unique perspective - like trying to reconstruct a statue from a collection of blurry snapshots. How many photographs, or video segments, are adequate to fully capture a family vacation, a day in the news, the year in review, a lifetime of memories, or a person’s character? Absolute truth may ultimately prove elusive. Increasing detail amounts to overload at the expense of general comprehension. Paradigms help us recognize the universal in the wild.

A collection of pictures taken from various viewpoints increases the recorded detail of a statue, like the opinion of a jury. By comparing and combining multiple paradigms, a universal pattern emerges through reinforced similarities, lending fresh insights into the big picture, into ourselves, and into the fabric of existence. These sources arise from diverse fields of study, and cover disciplines in human nature and in the nature of reality.

As children we learn language. We notice patterns. Regularities get reinforced. As we master patterns of speech, our communication skills grow and our understanding improves. Common ground gets established, and we learn to express our needs with greater eloquence and efficiency.

Paradigms facilitate our ability to communicate novel concepts and develop mutual understanding. The Grand Ontological Design supplies the framework that not only governs the universe but ourselves as well.

More Grand Ontological Design

Jerusalem National Park

The fate of Jerusalem fuels hatred and conflict in the Middle East. The United Nations Security Council Resolution 242 of 22 November 1967 calls for the "withdrawal of Israel armed forces from territories occupied in the recent conflict", meaning the Six Day War, Israeli land grab; and refers to the Golan Heights, East Jerusalem, the West Bank, the Gaza Strip, and the Sinai Peninsula. With the Sinai returned to Egypt in a peace treaty and the Palestinians gaining self rule in the West Bank and Gaza, resolving the stalemate over Jerusalem appears next on the land for peace agenda.

As a model of inspiration consider Vatican City; an autonomous religious state within the borders of a democratic state. Religious authority administers governance of Vatican City, but expatriate Swiss forces provide security. The Swiss example establishes an ancient precedence legitimizing a ploy to deploy American Rangers to protect the scenic beauty of Jerusalem National Park, as it’ll become known after our National Park Service assumes control, while inching UN Resolution 242 yet another step closer to a peaceful conclusion. The Smokey the Bear hat and park service uniform will become welcome international symbols of regulation enforcement, when they become recognized internationally as they are domestically. (Our greatest virtue is exporting American values to the rest of the world.)

Founding Jerusalem National Park outside our national borders reinforces separation of church and state. Since reverse logic rules the Middle East, we can suspend all political rights within the park boundaries while allowing religious activities and institutions to flourish. Through omission the First Amendment exempts Executive Order from compliance. It states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..." Therefore, the President can exploit this constitutional loophole through Executive Order, as yet another Faith Based Initiative. Being a strict constitutionalist, even Supreme Court Justice Scalia would find no reason to object.

Although the American public has previously expressed no interest in permanent national parks in foreign countries, that’s the beauty of this plan. It’ll require congressional help passing legislation permitting the investment of Social Security funds in land for peace shares and resurrecting the Bush plan for Social Security Personal Accounts, The Promised Land REIT being the inaugural investment device. Jerusalem National Park elevates Faith Based Initiatives to a whole new level, in a renewed effort to garner support for Social Security reform by catering to religious right special interests.

Not since Walt Disney purchased Florida swampland has such an ideal investment opportunity presented itself. Property values in regions of conflict are undervalued in today’s global real estate market, while investor confidence in the stock market has plummeted to modern lows. It’s time we capitalized on these fears, and exploited areas of conflict for economic profit on the upswing. We must diversify our foreign policy to opportunistically rebuild the economic strength of American retirement portfolios, while providing balanced investment advice in areas of War and Peace.

Despite serious obstacles to peace, Jerusalem remains susceptible to The Almighty dollar and our economic superpower status. If antagonists won’t unconditionally surrender all claims to Jerusalem, the whole city can be bought outright in a piecemeal fashion. This is the supreme purpose of being for The Promised Land REIT. Then investors, as absentee landlords, will hold sway over all people living within Jerusalem National Park boundaries.

In addition to protecting religious rights, the package deal includes a natural compliment of park services: tourism, promotional programs, recreational opportunities, &etc. In fact concessions, souvenir sales, and guided interpretive tour fees should help defray government expenses in this venture.

American, private sector, theme park expertise will supervise the next phase of this endeavor. We don’t propose changing the theme of Jerusalem National Park. That would be sacrilege. But we do propose that occupants undergo sensitivity training to become vested interest, goodwill ambassadors within the theme park - learning diplomacy, courtesy, and performing arts to entertain visitors. In time, Jerusalem National Park, under the auspices of Faith Based Initiatives, will evolve into a religious melting pot and a world renowned Mecca for pilgrims and tourists alike.

New World Order New Deal

A fundamentalist in need is an extremist in deed. Fundraising and recruiting within Muslim markets and mosques has escalated into a booming business worldwide. To effectively compete against the al Qaeda network’s job training program, peaceful alternatives must offer gainful employment to our world’s economically downtrodden masses, defusing unrest that breeds terrorism, and converting prospective martyrs into vested members of civilized society. Whereas military force fuels free publicity for al Qaeda headhunters, whose business is bombing along at a catastrophic pace on a global scale, the sensible solution is a Muslim jobs program rivaling FDR’s masterpiece. Promoting a generous vision of a New World Order New Deal targets depressed Muslim job markets.

A perfect reclamation project lays at hand in the Qattara Depression, a region lying below sea level located in northwestern Egypt on the Sahara Desert fringe. Plans call for building a freshwater canal, from the Mediterranean Sea to this nomad’s land, employing Muslim laborers to create an artificial lake; while helping promote cooperation, peaceful coexistence, economic stability, agribusiness, tourism, and prime beachfront real estate. The culmination of FDR’s dam plan is water skiing, which a New World Order New Deal is dedicated to delivering into international breeding grounds of despair that are thirsting for fun, leisure, recreational opportunities, and reasons for living.

Think of the public relations bonanza in combining, into one colossal project, the legacies of both President Roosevelts, the Panama Canal and the New Deal. Let’s fight the war on terror with an LBJ inspired war on third world poverty, with a pride of purpose and sense of commitment reminiscent of JFK’s Moon missions and Peace Corps. In time, the life enriching waters bathing the Sahara Desert will stem the flow of bloodshed by empowering Muslim respect for life, and Jimmy Carter’s mantra of human rights, while decreasing demands for defense spending. The New World Order New Deal inspires benevolent community values through shared accomplishments, while invigorating a Garden of Eden Renaissance in the Middle East.

Envision a labor-intensive effort digging the canal, putting multitudes of Muslims to work. What takes one man one day with a bulldozer takes ten men weeks with shovels; but takes thousands of men, women, and children months with spoons. The Pharaohs really knew how to keep people busy: throw a work party. This ancient principle of Egyptian political science, encapsulated in the New World Order New Deal, echoes core liberal values and belief in the constructive benefits of public service and civic works.

Sunshine being a free and abundant commodity in desert environs, American manufactures can compete for government contracts developing and manufacturing solar powered desalination and pumping equipment for this project, which will create hi-tech and manufacturing jobs here at home. Government investment can lead the way, jumpstarting innovative solar powered products to serve growing domestic and global markets, in the same way JFK through NASA fostered the economic birth and growth of integrated circuits, consumer electronics, and personal computers. A thriving solar energy industry will help wean our nation off foreign oil and anti-environmental lust for plundering our ecologically sensitive wildernesses, resurrecting Jimmy Carter’s "moral equivalent of war" against our oil addiction, and improving foreign trade balance of payments.

As everybody knows, politicians are spoon-fed their opinions by pollsters, so a contingency plan has been contrived to circumvent special interests. Let ordinary citizens decide. What do the people endorse? Ditch diggers or grave diggers? What were conservative think tanks thinking? Preemptive strategists, authors of War with Massive Deficits, fuel anti-American resentment and hatred. But give Muslims jobs with hope and terrorist outsourcing markets will evaporate.

Peace loving citizens can accomplish greatness by supporting this worthy endeavor, while investing minimal time and expense. Many, small, willing, personal sacrifices, insignificant in themselves, can accumulate into overwhelming trends, influence foreign policy, and change the course of history. Show that you care. As a conversation piece, wear a spoon over your heart to communicate your desire for a New World Order New Deal.

I appeal to constituents everywhere to endorse a New World Order New Deal by mailing one spoon to each of their elected officials as a gesture of solidarity. Sending spoons to politicians with authority will add weight to constructive concerns, while helping supply the enormous demand for tools needed to implement this ambitious enterprise. In respectable numbers this grassroots initiative will help realign public policy with the ideals of peace with prosperity, something elected officials can't seem to fathom let alone master. Deliver your spoons to Congress. Sponsor a Muslim, and stop terrorism at its source of supply. Share a spoon. Spare a life. Shape a world.